I couldn't possibly articulate just exactly how I feel about you but let me take a crack at it...

I love you.

GEEZ

I'm so angry at the things I can't have but how can I be? I've never even asked for them... and that is one of my biggest problems. Like what is so wrong with me that I can't just speak up and tell people how I really feel? Used, unimportant, like second best...Janelle just stop going on rants on blogs and say something. The thing is, interaction is so much harder when it isn't written. I feel more of myself when I'm talking through a fucking screen rather than to someone's face and I just want to make a change and just be the rad bitch I always am instead of being reduced to a timid little shrew every time I'm with someone who isn't family. That has caused people to mistake me for boring, slow-witted, uninteresting, and a lot of other shitty things when I'm anything but.

La petit mort

 La Petit Mort (this is what the French call an orgasm and it means 'A little Death')

If each climax is one little death
I want to end your life a thousand times
As you lie backside to the cool sheets
My body atop yours, making you stiff as a tombstone
If one little death means a simple moment of bliss
I want you to kill me as you come into me
take the breath from my body
and bury me in the sheets beside you

It’s not my job to make you a better man, and I don’t give a shit if I’ve made you a better man. It’s not a fucking woman’s job to be consumed and invaded and spat out so that some fucking man can evolve.

-Jenny Schetcter (The L Word)

"I’m not going to be the girl you marry, but I’ll be the girl you’ll be thinking of 20 years from now while you engage in polite sex with your boring wife who fakes her orgasm to make you feel better about your receding hairline."

—

e.b.

Play the game to win

Needing affection and acknowledgement and love is the most complicated part of being a human and it's hard because sometimes we want it so badly, we ignore everything else. We hear those sweet lies and want so badly to believe what isn't true. I'm not ignorant. I acknowledge that all that comes out of that perfecct mouth isn't a sparkly, glittery, exquisite word of truth. I acknowledge that I care more therefore I have less power. I acknowledge that I am being taken for granted. I acknowledge that I am only wasting time and making mistakes. But I surely am a fool because I don't care and it's not because I'm in love or anything stupid. Though it is still there because I have a faithful heart, that love has long been exhausted. Not at all as bright and flourishing as it was all those months ago because it's been tarnished by reality.

 So then why am I going through with my deeply flawed DV plan?

It's like when my TOM is here and I'm really craving something sweet. The moment desire kicks in, I get my ass up and go to the store to satisfy it so I'm going to apply the same logic to this area of my life. I just need to get it out the way or I'll always have this pathetic longing. Maybe after, I'll regret it...but at least I made my own decision and I'll finally have peace.

I just need this one night, one straight shot, and boom! Infatuation is over. I'm like a guy...once I do the horizontal polka I'm done. My heart will take a chill pill and that feeling in my stomach will go away and I'll be able to sleep without waking up to Niagara Falls in my underwear.

“The people I treasure the most give me the biggest scars.” 

 

—

Tablo