I've always been very aware of my mortality. I was in a near-constant state of depression from the ages of 9-16 for a lot of different reasons but the fact that I was going to die one day was one of the biggest reasons for that. It got worse and worse with every passing day. The things that once made me happy seemed nonsensical and worthless, after all, what's the point of doing them or finding joy in them if I'm going to be dead one day? None of it will matter then.
I frequently contemplated suicide and one day (when I was 15), even wrote a note, and tried to decide between pills or slashing my wrists in the bathtub. I truly was prepared to die but my faith kept me from acting on it in the end.
That's when I begin to realize many things. The most important being that our mortality shouldn't keep us from living life to the fullest but it should help us appreciate the little time we have on this earth.
Today, I can say I truly do appreciate life and especially the qualities that keep me human and imperfect. Like my bushy eyebrows and big nose and the fact that I still struggle with low self-esteem and not letting others walk all over me.
I get better at accepting things and making myself happy everyday.
Isn't that the point? To make progress, to try?
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