Like I really need to start making better decisions in regards to who I
date. I'm tired of men losing themselves in everything about me but my
mind and heart. I'm tired of attracting the same exact guy over and over. Messes.
Guys who take me for granted, who treat me like a side chick and a
second choice. It's sad because I don't even start most of these things,
distorted ass relationships just find me.
I don't think anyone will ever actually love me. Use me? Yeah, sure...but no one will fall in love with anything more than my body. And I know before I said I was fine being the black woman who doesn't need a man. Thing is, I don't need anyone but I do want a relationship. I'm damn tired of the single life.
This whole mood started because today my asshole ex-boyfriend who is fucking ENGAGED contacted me out of nowhere. He says the usual bullshit about how much he misses me...and then went into many detailed sexual paragraphs. I hate myself because I just indulged and entertained him. I don't actually want to fuck him and it wasn't some weird ego trip I was on knowing I could so effortlessly toy with his feelings...honestly, I've just been really horny for like this whole week so I needed an outlet.
...And so I pretended he was someone else and eventually, I got off, he got off, and we all lived happily ever after.
Seriously though, I don't want to ever do that again. I feel so badly for the girl he's with, for making things worse between them since he was already on the brink of breaking up with her...I'm not a good person. Today, I didn't even try.
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